The Phuket Diary - Monday 5th July 2010

One of the many plus points of Amari is that it has its own small private beach used only by the hotel guests. Fortunately, my room leads onto this small strip of sand. I do find it a privilege that I have more or less my own stretch of beach to play on. I feel like Michael Winner.

If you are in Thailand you are going to have some form of spa treatment. I looked at the spa treatments that Amari have to offer. No question they are very good but are phenomenally expensive compared to what you can find beyond the hotel, which just as good. Equally, the laundry service that the hotel offers starts at 1,500 baht (nearly 20 pounds) whereas the laundry services outside the complex commences at 50 baht. That is one hell of a difference. I was not in the least surprise that most guests at the hotel use the local laundry services. With a little extra they actually iron as well.

At midnight I made my way to Bangla Road and into a nightclub called Hollywood. Again like all western men I was accosted by several beautiful Thai women who wanted to show me a good time. As a man you are extremely flattered by the attention as I know that I am no Denzil Washington. It is hard for any man not to fall for the charms of a local, especially when she is sliding her nubile, lithe young body up and down her genitals. You'll need to drink a tonne of bromide to resist.

I was cavorting with a girl called 'M'. Her Thai name was too difficult to pronounce. She was 22, petite and beautiful. At the end of the night she took me back to my hotel on her motorbike - Christ I thought we were going to crash - her driving was so erratic.

As we pulled up to the hotel I decided that this wasn't for me. In truth I am actually very prudish. I would never do this if I was in England so why lower my morals just because I am in a foreign country, even if every other red-face Englishman is getting is rocks off.

'M' was disappointed that I had a change of heart. She even reduced her fee and promised some "back-door action" if I was into that. I held to my guns and wished her a good night. I returned to my room happy in the knowledge that I did not succumb to the beast inside me. I thought that if I can resist 'M' I can resist anything - I can move mountains. I slept soundly after cracking one off (all men have to satisfy thier needs somehow).