Coronavirus Pandemic - The New Me On The Other Side

I read on Twitter that there are 3 things that you should be able to fulfil  when we eventually come out of self-imposed lockdown.

First develop a new skill. Second, plan a side hustle. Third, gain more knowledge.

After some reflection and still at the embryo stages of my thought processes, thus subject to substantial changes between now and the foreseeable future, my categories are the following: 

1. My new skill learnt would be poker (Texas Hold Em to be precise). Arguably, this could feed into my side hustle as I can envisage myself adorn in a loud sparkling shirt, dark rimmed glasses and wearing a 10 galleon hat playing poker at the Plaza in Las Vegas for eye-watering amounts.

If successful, this would be welcomed revenue to supplement my unemployment benefit if the pandemic wipes out the events/hospitality industry altogether. A relative suggested I could work for a food store if everything goes to pot. Stacking shelves at your local Sainsbury's is noble work and you can proudly say that you are a Key worker and enjoy the adulation as the whole nation appreciates your contribution by giving you a round of applause every Thursday. However, that's not for me, I want my new skill to have slightly more glamour than piling tins of Heinz bake beans on top of one another. More 'Bling than tin'.

2. My side hustle apart from the poker, would be my desire to become a personal trainer. Keeping up with my bling and glamourous trend, I would focus my efforts in training the rich and famous. I can imagine myself putting through their paces soap stars wanting to lose their man breasts, love handles and cellulite on their thighs.    

3. Reading more is the final part of the trilogy. The isolation has given me the opportunity to read the books that people purchased for me over the years that have simply collected dust on my fabulous designed book shelves. Apart from consuming fictional authors such as Sue Townsend, Tom Sharpe and Terry Pratchett, I would highly recommend Michael Haralambos book on Sociology which touches upon the Human Condition. Very relevant in the circumstances that we collectively find ourselves in. I have realised belatedly and to my shame that my books are not just there as an intelligent crafted backdrop when I appear on Zoom. 

The success of this endeavour is all a matter of discipline. It is not as if don't have the time. Maybe even too much time. That's my problem, the danger that I convert to my old self; sheer bloody laziness and procrastination.

The fear of fallen into my old ways could easily see me with three alternative scenarios after quarantine:

1. Extra blubber including Katie Price size man boobs, elephantine love handles and enough cellulite to inject into the lips of every wannabe star appearing on Love Island for the next ten series.
2. After weeks of isolation seeing myself creating an imaginary companion by drawing a face on an Adidas football and it being my best pal. 
3. An inability to do anything except watch copious amounts of Netflix, view dogs and cats behaving badly on YouTube and troll Twitter endlessly.  

Thus, either I will turn out to be a new renaissance man or a morbidly obese drooling Neanderthal after lockdown. As they say only time will tell. 

Coronavirus Pandemic - Lock me up already!

My heart sank even though it was inevitable, when it was announced last night (16 April 2020) by the stand-in Prime Minister Dominic Raab that the country-wide lockdown will continue for another THREE whole bloody weeks. God give me strength!

It was hard in the beginning to keep myself occupied in self isolation. This was not helped with the news that I have been furloughed by my work. It was no real surprise considering that my company specialises in events. Hence, this pandemic has been a disaster for the organisation and the events industry as a whole.

With time on my hands I have been fortunate that I have been able to volunteer at a local Food Bank, offer my services at a nearby homeless shelter, run shopping errands for vulnerable neighbours and last but not least look after an elderly relative who has been quarantined.

The above does not take up all of my time. There are days where I am literally navel gazing my tummy button for hours on end. I was never a great reader but I have forced myself to take up a book. Sue Townsend is my choice: 'The woman who went to bed for a year' is surprisingly funny. I have disciplined myself to read a chapter a day, so should finish by the time enforced lockdown is history.

As an aside, not being able to avail myself to services of my Jamaican barber has resulted in my hair growing unfeasibly high. It will not be long before I have a proper 1970s Afro resembling Michael Jackson on his album cover 'Off the wall'. MJ appears in all his glory on his first solo album with hair to die for (before the numerous nose operations and skin lightening).  Julian Assange could have comfortably holed up in Michael's bonnet for an eternity if the Ecuadorian Embassy in London hadn't opened their doors to him.  

Now on Chapter 2. If I keep this up and Event Management becomes an obsolete a job as a chimney sweep, I may become literary critic. However, reading a chapter a day may not cut it in most literary circles.